howie kaplan dot com

U.S. drug czar John P. Walters recently referred to those who plant and grow marijuana as “Terrorists.”

This, of course, begs the question—when did terrorists become the fun guys in the War on Terror? Don’t they have to pray like five times a day and can’t date, eat pork, or be out of the water for more than an hour? (though I could be confusing that last one with Aquaman.) When did Islamist extremists become “Guys with the Good Weed”?

Seventy-two percent of Americans support decriminalization of Marijuana. But if marijuana-growers are terrorists, that means that the War on Terror is over—and we’ve lost!

Perhaps most importantly, where once we had a War on Drugs and a War on Terror, do we now have just one war? Did our wars just merge? That’s not cool! That’d be like declaring war against one country for attacking the Twin Towers and then declaring war against another country for maybe-sorta-not having weapons of mass destruction, and then passing them off as the same war. Who would believe that?