howie kaplan dot com

Presidential candidates often lament the scrutiny they undergo while campaigning... The way every word out of their mouths is examined, parsed, and analyzed.

This is an untenable, unlivable situation that must be rectified if we're ever to elevate the level of public discourse in this country.

Honestly, why should it matter if at Wednesday's New Hampshire Republican Presidential Debate, the debaters said the word...

The Issues
Iraq : 40 times
Immigration : 16 times
Terror (or Terrorist) : 16 times
9/11 : 10 times
Gay Marriage : 4 times
Afghanistan: 4 times
Health Care : 1 time (and only when discussing the benefits of keeping Guantanamo Bay open. Yes, Duncan Hunter espoused the cafeteria menu and Cuba's free healthcare as reasons not to release suspected terrorists. Something tells me he missed the point of "Sicko.")
Internet : 0 times
Technology: 0 times (cause why would we want a President who cares about those things?)

The People
Democrat : 18 times
Republican : 16 times (18 to 16? These guys can't get a majority in their own debate.)
Senator Fred Thompson : 6 times
President George W. Bush : 4 times
President Ronald Reagan : 3 times

Stuff They Have To Say To Sound Presidential
Thank You : 26 times
Honor : 9 times
Americans: 9 times
Football/ Soccer/ Baseball : 0
"I wouldn't kick Condi out of bed for eating crackers" : 0 times

And in case you were wondering, the entire debate clocked in at a 7th grade reading level. Which makes sense, since this debate reads like "Goosebumps" for grownups... just replace haunted snowmen with terrorists, ghostly schoolkids with Democrats, and green plant monsters in the basement with blind belief in victory in Iraq despite all the signs to the contrary.