It's time I went public with my longstanding feud with CNN's Rick Sanchez. Of course, to me, he'll always be WSVN's Rick Sanchez, South Florida's own homegrown blow-hard. Rick was called an anchor, but he was really more of a kite, flitting around from one shocking "news"story to the next, managing to always look good next to a gruesome graphic with a title like DEATH! ON! THE TRACKS!
If you think your local newscaster got excited during the Lewinsky scandal, Sanchez was so titillated his nipples practically burst through his shirt, sportcoat, and weekend co-anchor.
He's now the host of CNN Newsroom, bringing live-local-late breaking coverage of such stories as "People don't like President Bush."
This is a HUGE, Pulitzer-worthy story (ca. 2002.) But the best part is how Sanchez backs up his assertion that President Bush is a bully. Said Sanchez:
"I googled Bush and Bully together... two million, five hundred thousand hits!"How do you get more scientific accuracy than that? He googled! Granted, I expected something a little more high-tech from the network that beamed in Will.I.Am, but you can't argue with easily-argued results.
Just to test Rick's method, I decided to google a few thing on my own.
"Rick Sanchez Idiot" -- 81,100 hits
"Rick Sanchez blowhard" -- 6,170 hits
"Rick Sanchez got a DUI and killed a guy" -- 9,660 hits (I was expecting more. Especially because it... you know... happened.)
"Rick Sanchez is as useless as giant boobs on a fat chick" (Face it. There's no bigger waste than the awesome rack fat girls get. Because they're simultaneuosly awesome and gross.) -- 1 hit. And you're looking at it.
Get coked to the tits and sell my Japanese scotch!
It's refreshing to see that hundred some-odd military brass saying it's time to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Because from the looks of things, the army really couldn't get any gayer.
Nah, I kid. I'm sure if these guys saw the music I dance around to when no one's looking, they'd run my underpants up the flagpole (with me still in it.) And I'm sure that in times of stress it's good to let off steam no matter how you do it, and there are worse ways than the Cha Cha Slide.
But come on. There's definitely a place for gays in the military. And if you need proof, check out how good they are at sniping (www.defamer.com)
Labels: Army, Cha Cha Slide, gay, Music, Soldier